Self-Compassion can be FIERCE!
During the many years I have spent studying psychology and the science of well-being, self-compassion is probably the most helpful framework I know of for more resilience, motivation, and overall psychological well-being!
As defined by Dr. Kristin Neff (pioneering self-compassion researcher), self-compassion is the practice of turning compassion inwards. Self-compassion is about approaching our challenges and difficult experiences in a way that is supportive of our well-being and personal growth. Having challenges, making mistakes, and experiencing difficult and painful emotions are part of being human. And you're always deserving of giving yourself compassion when navigating difficulties.
When we think of self-compassion, we often think about self-kindness, acceptance, and self-soothing. In other words, caring for yourself the way a kind friend or a nurturing parent would. This is the tender side of self-compassion. To give an example, there is nothing more comforting to me personally than wrapping myself in a soft blanket with a cup of hot chocolate to soothe myself when I'm navigating something difficult or feel overwhelmed. And while this tender and nurturing side of self-compassion without doubt extremely helpful, we also have a more action-oriented side of self-compassion…
Self-compassion is also FIERCE! ✨✨
Fierce self-compassion is all about being your inner protector, provider, and motivator. Because we also need to motivate ourself in the way an encouraging coach would to take action in the world! Fierce self-compassion could be about setting boundaries, having difficult conversations, making sure our needs are met, and proactively working towards our desires and goals. Dr. Neff invites us to think of fierce self-compassion as a “mama bear energy.” And I just love that!
Dr. Neff refers to tender self-compassion as the “yin” and and fierce self-compassion as the “yang” of self-compassion. And we need a balance of both these energies for wholeness and wellness. Check out this graphic from Dr. Neff's Instagram account that I think beautifully illustrates the two sides of self-compassion:
I invite you to reflect / journal on the following questions:
What does fierce self-compassion mean to you? What is one area of your life where it could be helpful to show up as your inner motivating coach and protector? How might you take actions to protect, provide, and motivate yourself?
What does tender self-compassion mean to you? What is one area in your life where it would be helpful to show up with more self-kindness and acceptance? What are some self-care practices that are soothing to you? (Remember that self-care does not have to be glamours or costly to be helpful.)
How might you find a balance between the fierce and tender sides of self-compassion? Is there maybe one type of compassion that you'd like to cultivate more out for more balance? What could that look like?
Would it be helpful to explore this topic in a more individualized format? I'd be happy to meet with you for 1:1 well-being counseling sessions and we can explore this and other well-being related topics together. As a well-being practitioner, nothing lights me up more than facilitating wellness counseling where we get to explore evidence-based tools and strategies together.
Want to learn more about self-compassion? Get the replay from my recent self-compassion workshop for FREE! As always, you are more than welcome to contact me with any questions.🌻